Ode to Coffee

First published in the Illinois Technograph

"In the beginning God created coffee.
And God tasted the coffee and it was good ..."

-- What the Bible never said

If there was no coffee, the World would have never been created. God would not have been able to work restlessly for six days without help from the magic drink. In fact, Pope Clement VIII officially baptized coffee in the late 1500's in recognition of its divine powers.

The centuries that followed this frequently overlooked event have brought us wonderful discoveries and technological advances. The same human race that needed thousands of years to invent the wheel has laid the foundation for all the modern sciences in a matter of a few hundred years. Isaac Newton developed the basis of modern Calculus and the Law of Gravity in the 1660's, exactly around the time coffee became widespread in England. The explosive development of sciences in the years that followed his discoveries would not have been possible without the ever-increasing consumption of coffee.

If there had been no coffee, there would have been no civilization as we know it. The greatest minds of the past and present would not have produced the marvels of art and science that we enjoy today. If there had been no coffee, life would be nothing like it is now. There would be no space stations, mass media, computers, or even Rock-n-Roll. Instead, endless wars, diseases and natural disasters would have destroyed the society.

Most modern liberal ideas first appeared in the coffeehouses of the Old World. In 1675, Charles II, the king of England, issued the "Proclamation for the Suppression of Coffee Houses" in a feeble attempt to reverse the progress. However, the outrage of the people was so strong that, after only 11 days, the London coffeehouses were reopened.

The English and the French revolutions followed not so long after coffee became popular in Europe and forever changed the political landscape in the Old World. The first US government headquarters after the American Revolution was located in the Merchants coffeehouse. If George Washington did not drink coffee, there would have been no United States of America. If there were no coffeehouses in California, the student movement of the 1960's would have never been conceived.

While the general population has never fully understood the power of coffee, it is important to realize that one's personal achievement in life can be highly dependent on his or her caffeine level. Coffee is clearly the driving force behind progress and in today's World - it is almost impossible to survive without it. In other words, if you plan to have any kind of notable contribution to making the Universe a better place, coffee is your best friend.

Besides, if you have never had coffee, you don't know the real taste of life. Life is bitter. Life is full of flavor. And life should be enjoyed one cup at a time.


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